Startling New Theory on the assassination of Abraham Lincoln!

Nothing is ever as simple as it appears. New data suggests Abraham Lincoln was actually shot simultaneously by five separate assailants!

John Wilkes Booth you have heard of, but history has mostly forgotten John T. Pepperpot, the jealous aristocrat in love with Mary Todd Lincoln. He would do anything to get Abe out of the way. He fired at Lincoln from the box across the stage.

Have you ever heard of Willard J. Willard, an actor rebuffed by Lincoln right before the opening act. He was heard to exclaim, "I'll get you for this Abe!" He fired from the side stage area.

What of Humphrey, a former domestic, now jobless in post-war America. He blamed Lincoln for the loss of his job and for his wife leaving him for another man. His shot came from the rigging above the stage

Few know the story of Sherman Sprague, a simpleton. He believed Lincoln had been sending him encrypted postcards containing lewd messages for years. When his mother finally died in 1864 he went over the edge. When he went to confront Lincoln his pistol misfired, and sent a bullet swerving wildly toward Lincoln.

5 Comments:

Deb said...

That was absolutely fascinating!

I think I'm going to be in here reading a LOT.

Dr. Fong said...

Wonderful! We are glad to have you.

Lincoln was a good man but he made many enemies.

Osiris said...

Lincoln shot himself. It's a well known fact that Lincoln had extreme mental illness. Couple that with an Aristocrat attempting to woo his wife away from his side, and BLAM. He couldn't take the pressure anymore, only the sweet release offered by death could help him.

Dr. Fong said...

It is most likely that he was planning on killing himself the following night, but he never made it.

Osiris said...

No. He was big on theatrics. He blew his demented brains out and his "body guards" had John Wilkes Booth ready to be thrown over the ledge as the fall guy. Fall guy, get it? Cause he FELL! haha, fuck lincoln, he was a madman and a pedophile.