Gilbert Atomic Energy Lab

Juan the Chamula Says:


After more than two decades of being hated on by peaceniks (school teachers) and environmental whackos (scientists), nuclear power is back.

Lately, everyone seems to want to get into the action. The Nuclear club is growing bigger day by day. Already many developing (aka. dirty) nations like India (a country whose main form of transportation is elephant) and North Korea (a country whose president is a pedophile dwarf) have gotten into the action.

From energy plants capable of powering the life support system that keeps Estelle Getty (the mother from "The Golden Girls") alive and sassy, to ICBMs capable of getting rid of most of this planet's problems (us) in less than thirty minutes, power of the nuclear variety is fun, fast, friendly and functional.

Though this toy missed the Christmas season, the Gilbert Atomic Energy Lab has ridden the wave of atomic energy nostalgia and become the hippest toy around. From the playgrounds of Traverse City, Michigan to the silos of Tehran, boys, girls and eunuchs of all ages are asking their parents or black market smuggling service for this new delight.

What can you do with the Gilbert Atomic Energy Lab? Well little Timmy there are many things you can do with the Gilbert Atomic Energy Lab?

You can do fun things like:
  • Put your eye just inches from exploding atoms of wonder!
  • Measure the effects of nuclear waste on the eggs of Bald Eagles (sold separately)!
  • Ignite an arms race with the dark skinned boy that lives next door!
You can learn new things like:
  • What it feels like to dip your bare hand into a full blown atomic reaction!
  • How to get rid of the waste near trailer parks, churches and academies for the blind!
  • How to deal with liars like Albert Einstein, who say you are dirty and dangerous!
The set also comes with:
  • Three exciting radioactive sources, a Geiger counter, and cloud chamber where atoms can be split!
  • Dr. Funnywig's "The Super Fun Guide to Gilbert Atomic Energy Lab: The Day Mean Mr. Atom Split in Two", an illustrated manual on the fun and science of nuclear energy!
You can also buy:
  • The Chernobyl Playset complete with two headed calves and babushka wearing peasants with no teeth!
  • A complete set of action figures including the evil protesters, scientists, security guards, fish babies and a clone army of Al Gores!
We put this toy to the test, letting our little boy play with it for an entire evening while me and my wife sipped our juice boxes, did Crystal Meth and laughed as our six year old accomplished in ten minutes what it took ten years to accomplish at Los Alamos.

Already our pint-sized Nuclear Superpower has caused a spike in birth defects all around the block. We highly suggest this toy. The brilliant green of the toxic nuclear glow will warm you and your child's heart for longer than it takes for nuclear waste to lose its radioactivity.

Buy it now!

1 Comment:

Anonymous said...

You could also included some
of the heavy water from your well.