The Upcoming Chimpanzee Rebellion

Medico Says:
Kill First, ask questions later!

"Chimpanzees hunt using spears"

Chimps sharpened the spears with their teeth.

Chimpanzees in Senegal have been observed making and using wooden spears to hunt other primates, according to a study in the journal Current Biology. "

I have been warning people on street corners for YEARS about this! The Chimps are evolving! Chimpanzees already have the strength of 10 men. How would you like to face down an angry pack of them in a dark alley, all armed with spears and stabbing you to death to steal your cigarettes?!

So you "hunt other primates", eh chimps? Well, guess what: HUMANS ARE PRIMATES! These damn dirty apes are forming an army of heavily armed soldiers with one objective; to destroy all humans.

This is a serious threat to all mankind and I here and now declare that I will not fall victim to the relentless attacks of the Chimpanzees. I am now in the process of raising from the dead the best Chimp hunters to ever walk the Earth. With my Necromancy skills and your willingness to kill any Chimpanzee acting in an aggressive fashion, we are sure to win this war for survival!

The Chimps are Getting Smarter!


Doctor Fong said...

There has been very little Chimp on Human violence lately. In fact a vast majority is us killing them.

They are the ones who should feel threatened. We greatly outnumber them and have much more advanced technology than spears.

Though I would like to the the world's greatest chimpanzee hunters raised from the dead.

Just so I could say I saw it.

Medico Nisaba-Practitioner of Infernal Necromancy said...

Ohhhhhhh, the hunters live a solitary life. Chances are you will never see them. The only proof they have been raised will be the bodies of countless Chimps!

michael said...

For a few million bananas I'm sure
they could be persuaded to take
over the whole IRAQ security

Medico Nisaba-Practitioner of Infernal Necromancy said...

The main objectives in Iraq are being decided by Chimps. Don't worry though, their souls will be cast into everlasting torment.