A Picture for Deep Consideration

Dr. Fong Says:
Kids these days aint got no respect!

By spray painting the above vulgarity on this unsuspecting billboard, the young miscreants are, in fact, doing the exact opposite of what the sign tells them to do. Ingenious!

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Horny Toad Smoking a Cig - Postcard

Dr. Fong Says:
That doesn't look like a cigarette to me.

Very Strange Fantasy Postcard - "A Texas Horned Toad Smoking a Cigarette", Used 1957 in Lampasas, Texas. Postcard is a Linen in Near Fine condition. Priced: $15

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French government's UFO files online

Dr. Fong Says:
Worth a long look.

"The space agency, known by its French initials CNES, said it is making it's UFO files public to draw the scientific community's attention to unexplained cases and because their secrecy generated suspicions that officials were hiding something."

"There's always this impression of plots, of secrets, of wanting to hide things," (said Jacques Patenet, head of the space agency's Group for Study and Information on Nonidentified Aerospace Phenomena.) "The great danger would be to leave the field open to sects and charlatans."

"He said many cases were unexplained lights in the sky. "Only 20 to 30" could be classified as "Objet Volant Non Identifie" — UFOs that appeared to be physical objects, leaving "marks on the ground, radar images," he said..."

"Only 9 percent of France's strange phenomena have been fully explained, the agency said. Experts found likely reasons for another 33 percent, and 30 percent could not be identified for lack of information."

IHT article | CNES UFO archive site

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Nyarlathotep (the Crawling Chaos)

Dr. Fong Says:
He can also appear as a winged, faceless sphinx.

"And it was then that Nyarlathotep came out of Egypt. Who he was, none could tell, but he was of the old native blood and looked like a Pharaoh. The fellahin knelt when they saw him, yet could not say why."

"He said he had risen up out of the blackness of twenty-seven centuries, and that he had heard messages from places not on this planet."

"Into the lands of civilization came Nyarlathotep, swarthy, slender, and sinister, always buying strange instruments of glass and metal and combining them into instruments yet stranger."

"He spoke much of the sciences - of electricity and psychology - and gave exhibitions of power which sent his spectators away speechless, yet which swelled his fame to exceeding magnitude."

"Men advised one another to see Nyarlathotep, and shuddered. And where Nyarlathotep went, rest vanished; for the small hours were rent with the screams of a nightmare." - Wiki

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New Orleans Seized By Fish-People

Dr. Fong Says:
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah-nagl fhtaga.

When the floodwaters finally began to subside following hurricane Katrina, the human residents of New Orleans were shocked to discover hundreds of fish-people living amongst them.

The fish-people are also know as the Deep Ones. They are said to be waiting for "the stars to be right" so they can resurrect their dead god Cthulhu who sleeps beneath the sea.

The blue areas on this map show the infested parts of town. The monsters have taken up residence in many of the abandoned and mouldering buildings near the waterfront.

I know times are tough but you are advised not to make deals with the fish-people especially for gold from the sea. It may seem like a good idea and a fast track away from your FEMA trailer but it's not worth it. These creatures cannot be trusted to keep their word and will sacrifice you to Cthulhu at their first chance.

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Cocaine in Ancient Egyptian Mummies?

Dr. Fong Says:
The tomb of King Toke?

"Some years ago a German scientist, Dr Svetla Balabanova, made a discovery which was to baffle Egyptologists, and call into question whole areas of science and archeology to chemistry and botany."

"She discovered that the mummified body of Henut Taui
contained large quantities of cocaine and nicotine. The surprise was not just that the ancient Egyptians had taken drugs, but that these drugs come from tobacco and coca, plants completely unknown outside the Americas."

The Mystery of the Cocaine Mummies

The only known concentrated source of nicotine is tobacco, and cocaine is found only in the coca plant. Both are New World plants.

So here is the question: Where the ancient Egyptians crossing the sea to get these drugs or where they getting them some other way? Here are the possibilities that would explain the presence of both nicotine and cocaine:
  • Trade with South America
  • The nicotine and cocaine came from some other plant that is now extinct
  • Carried by an African Swallow

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Scrying Your Way To A Better Life

Dr. Fong Says:
Umm.. it looks like a horse. You better go buy a horse.

Crystal gazing is an important skill to develop for anyone interested in the occult arts.

A great sense of peace comes over the adept gazer; knowing how things will turn out has the effect of making people less concerned about controlling the present moment. The same way that knowing exactly when and how you are going to die makes you unafraid of death. It makes you realize the inevitability of it all.

People have been using crystals to gaze into the future for thousands of years and now you can too. Crystal Scrying is super easy to learn!
Just follow these simple instructions:
  1. Find a crystal. Anything will do, from expensive crystal balls to pieces of quartz.
  2. Stare into the crystal unblinkingly until you begin to see things.
  3. Then base important decisions in your life on what you think you saw.

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Deep-Sea Feeding Frenzy

Dr. Fong Says:
Now I know horror.

This one is for all you monster hunters out there. If you are looking for mind-blowing horror, look about you. Our everyday world is as strange as anyone could imagine.

Just take a look at this repulsive little guy. It looks like a massive pillbug! It is a giant isopod and I just know if wants to grab on to the back of my head and start controlling my mind.

After watching that video it really makes me hope that when I die I don't sink to the bottom of the ocean. I can't stand the thought of all those horrible monsters swarming all over me.

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Dr. Fong on Crypthunter.com

Dr. Fong Says:
Never trust anyone in a bowler hat!

Memphis over at Crypthunter.com has been kind enough to let me share my considerable understanding of the darker side of crypt hunting with his readers.

Crypthunter.com is blog designed to prepare young adventurers for the dangerous world of professional crypt hunting. There you will be instructed in everything from how to survive deadly snake attacks to dealing with restless natives.

Please check out my new column over at Crypt Hunter: The Dark Arts with Dr. Fong: Avoiding the Curse of the Mummy: A Simple Guide

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Ask Dr. Fong: Angry Spirit Removal

Dr. Fong Says:
Stealing a grave stone almost never leads to good things and sometimes leads to really bad things.

"Dear Dr. Fong - My family and I are in dire need of your help. Shortly after we moved into our house my sister thought it would be funny to bring an old gravestone into the house. She found it in an old part of the cemetery which wasn't being maintained. It was broken off so she took part of it home as a joke since it had my initials on it.

Needless to say, no one is laughing now. We awake in the night to
strange noises and whispers. Also my sister woke up one night and was being held down by something that she couldn't see. She ran into my room yelling and we searched the house and found nothing.

We decided to return the gravestone and say we were sorry but these strange happenings still continue. We realize what we did was wrong and that we have upset something, but we really need to get this out of our house. I know that you have the knowledge to help me and my family."

This is a fairly simple thing to deal with and I'm sure with just a little instruction from me you will have it taken care of in no time.

What you are dealing with here is your ordinary run-of-the-mill poltergeist. The reason this spirit has settled on your house is not because your sister took the tombstone but because you all feel bad and apprehensive about her taking it. These bad feelings attracted the poltergeist.

To get rid of it just burn some sage in each room of your house and try not to feel too bad about what your sister did. As a side note: if this had really been a spirit, angered because you had desicrated it's grave, you probably wouldn't have been around long enough to write me an email.

Thanks for your question. I am always happy to put my considerable knowledge to good use. If anyone has a question they would like me to answer email me here.

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Michigan Dogman: First Evidence of 2007

Dr. Fong Says:
They walked like men and screamed!

Every ten years in the seventh year of the decade, residents of Michigan are afraid to enter the deep north woods because of a beast that is said to live there. Now that it's 2007 the Northern Michigan Dogman will surely reappear to seek his bloody sacrifice.

This mutilated deer carcase was found in the forest near Frankfort, Michigan. The person who sent me this image said that there were dog tracks all around.

Could this be the first sign of the 2007 manifestation of the Michigan Dogman?

More about the Michigan Dogman!
Northern Michigan Dogman
Dogman tshirts and swag

Infernal Necromancy Interview

Dr. Fong Interviews Medico Nisaba:

Dr. Fong: You and I have known each other for a long time, but most of the readers here at Dr. Fong's House of Mysteries don't know anything about you. Who are you Medico Nisaba-Practitioner of Infernal Necromancy?

Medico Nisaba: Well, that is as good as any first question I have been asked; in this Incarnation I am a young practitioner of Infernal Necromancy, currently residing in Florida and attempting to repel the Great Storm of Evil that is headed for all of mankind.

Dr. Fong: Infernal Necromancy you say? What exactly is necromancy? What is it you really do?

Medico Nisaba: Well, it can become quite complex. I dabble in all areas of the occult, herbcraft, witchcraft, etc. Necromancy by definition is a form of divination in which the practitioner seeks to summon "operative spirits" or "spirits of divination", for multiple reasons, from spiritual protection to wisdom. The Infernal Necromancy in my title comes from a past Incarnation in which I was Stoned to death for work involving the dark arts.

Dr. Fong: Earlier, you mentioned a Great Storm of Evil coming to destroy all mankind. That sounds very dramatic. Tell me about it.

Medico Nisaba: The Great Storm of Evil. It isn't so much a vision as an Infernal feeling that something will soon trigger a Vortex of Evil. These Evil Vortices have the ability to pull living matter into themselves and trigger horrific feelings of pain and suffering. Despite all the "Science" to the contrary, I believe the Dinosaurs were wiped out of existence in this manner.

Dr. Fong: You still haven't said anything about what it actually is, or how we can stop it?

Medico Nisaba: Well, I'm afraid to say that nobody really knows what it is or how to stop it. My theory is that this Vortex of Evil is attracted to Evil. How we can stop Evil from happening, I haven't a clue. I plan on being dead when the Vortex of Evil is finally upon us, so the LIVING matter will be sucked into the Vortex while I wait to Incarnate after it has passed.

Dr. Fong: So you are going to abandon us all to die?

Medico Nisaba: I MAY be able to bring a few brave souls with me into the icy grip of death, only to be Incarnated later after the Vortex passes, but most will not be able to handle that. So yes, I am watching out for myself, as there is nothing I can do for most of you.

Dr. Fong: Well, I guess we're done here.

Medico Nisaba: Thank you, Dr. Fong, for taking the time to Interview me.

Priests to cleanse site after Bush visit

Dr. Fong Says:
Wizards: Your Country Needs You!

"Mayan priests will purify a sacred archaeological site to eliminate "bad spirits" after President Bush visits next week, an official said Thursday."

"That a person like (Bush), with the persecution of our migrant brothers in the United States, with the wars he has provoked, is going to walk in our sacred lands, is an offense for the Mayan people and their culture.
" - Source

If George Bush was only there for a few days and people are worried about purifying the land of his taint, then what does that say about the condition of the United States?

If we are ever going to get this place cleaned up we better get started now. So this is a call for wizards, witches, warlocks, sorcerers, necromancers, prognosticators and telekinitions to begin a cleansing ritual for out poor sickened country.

For the advanced practitioner cleansing rituals can be insanely complex, but even amateurs can help in this ritual. If you are a novice the best way you can help is by burning sage in your home or by not voting Republican.

Infernal Datura Use

Medico Says:
Do not play around with Datura!

A slightly different blog from me, this is an account of Infernal Datura use as recorded by Robert Beverly in 1705.

"This [jimsonweed] being an early plant, was gather'd very young for a boil'd salad, but some of the Soldiers sent thither, to pacifie the troubles of Bacon; and some of them ate plentifully of it, the effect of which was a very pleasant Comedy; for they turned natural fools upon it for several days."

"One would blow a feather in the air; another would dart straws at it with much fury; and another stark naked was sitting up in a corner , like a monkey grinning and making mows at them; a fourth would fondly kiss and paw his companions, and sneer in their Faces, with a Countenance more antik than any Dutch Droll."

"In this frantic condition they were confined, lest they in their folly should destroy themselves; though it was observed that all their actions were full of innocence and good nature. Indeed, they were not very cleanly; for they would have wallow'd in their own excrements, if they had not been prevented."

"A thousand such simple tricks they play'd and after Eleven days, return'd themselves again, not remembering anything that had pass'd."

Now that the historical account is out of the way, let me speak of the Infernal use of the Datura Plant. LET ME FIRST SAY THAT I DO NOT ADVOCATE IT'S USE. It contains serious Tropane Alkaloids that will almost certainly trigger extreme thirst, severe hallucinations and possibly death.

I use Datura on occasion as part of my Infernal Necromancy concoctions, but I do not ingest these. There is Great Power in this plant, and it should never be taken for recreation.

Beware the Datura Plants, as they will bring nothing but days of terror and death to all but the most expert herbcrafters.

More Information on Datura.

Missing Time / Chronic Universe Failure

Dr. Fong Says:
I hope I wasn't probed.

Whoa! Weird things have been happening to me lately. Even the magic of Medico Nisaba-Practitioner of Infernal Necromancy may not be able to save me.

For example, I had an hour of time just disappear last night. It was all very confusing. One minute it was 11:58 pm and I was getting up to pee. When I came back it was 1:00 am!

What is going on?

I have two possible theories about what might have happened to cause this hour to simply vanish.

1. Aliens - People who are abducted by aliens always mention missing time.

2. Chronic Universe Failure - The spacetime continuum as we know it is breaking down. Time may cease to function at any moment.

The Attacks on Dr. Fong will STOP NOW!

Medico Says:
ANY attack on Dr. Fong is an attack on me, and will be dealt with harshly!

It has come to my attention that my friend and mentor, Dr. Fong, is being psychically attacked. This ENRAGES me. Dr. Fong is my spiritual guide, yes, but he is so much more. He has been a friend to me while others have shunned me. To see him attacked in this way makes my blood boil.

Now, Dr. Fong is off on a healing retreat for a few days, where he will be fully cleansed of any evil magic directed towards him.

I am FURIOUS. Dr. Fong will help me with my anger issues, but I swear on my everlasting soul that anyone attacking Dr. Fong will suffer greatly.

I have concocted the POX of the bleeding eye, which I will place upon all who even wish Dr. Fong harm.

Do NOT force me to unleash my wrath. Stop these senseless attacks at once or suffer the tortures of the damned.

Infernal Necromancy Rituals in Harford County

Medico Says:
Without protection, the vortex of evil will surely claim you.

"State police are investigating the discovery of a human skull in a black cauldron in a wooded area in Conowingo. The discovery was made by area residents Thursday near the 500 block of Belle Manor Road."

"Police also found a second cauldron, human and animal bones, a plastic skull, a small statue and other items. Police say the skull showed no obvious signs of trauma and appeared to be very old. It was sent to the Medical Examiner."

"Authorities are wondering if the items were being used in a religious ritual, and it's not clear if any crime was committed."

This has all the markings of an Infernal Necromancy Ritual. One not unlike the ritual I performed in order to charge Dr. Fong's Ring (what did you think I was doing with all those human remains I had you ship to me from China?).

It is all the more important now that we have protective talismans, for the gathering powers will soon be upon us. All those who do not have some form of protection will surely die, pulled into a vortex of evil so powerful, nothing left unprotected can escape the horrible torment...

What aren't they telling us?