My Quest to Create the Supertoad

Medico Nisaba Says: Never enrage a madman with an underground toad habitat!


As any loyal reader of Dr. Fong's Blog of Mysteries knows, I once called South Florida my home before being driven mad and seeking the refuge of the mountains far away.

Now that I am nearing the end of my life here on Earth, I plan to create something far more terrible than the Bufo Marinus (Cane Toad). Back in the days when my efforts were to destroy the toads it was found that the number of abnormalities and frequency of intersex gonads increased with agriculture in a dose-dependent fashion.

"These gonadal abnormalities were associated with altered gonadal function. Testosterone, but not 17beta-estradiol, concentrations were altered and secondary sexual traits were either feminized (increased skin mottling) or demasculinized (reduced forearm width and nuptial pad number) in intersex toads. Based on the end points we examined, female morphology and physiology did not differ across sites."

"However, males from agricultural areas had horm
one concentrations and secondary sexual traits that were intermediate between intersex toads and non-agricultural male toads. Skin coloration at the most agricultural site was not sexually dimorphic; males had female coloration. Steroid hormone concentrations and secondary sexual traits correlate with reproductive activity and success, so affected toads had reduced reproductive success."


I used this knowledge in an attempt to kill off the toads; if they couldn't reproduce, they would die out. It all seemed fairly simple, and on a small scale it was.

My home in South Florida was infested with these vile beasts, so I introduced feminizing agents to home made 'toad food'. The results were quite spectacular. No longer did I see the giant male toads, but in their place were demasculinized toads with no sexual reproduction potential. The toad population in my area fell dramatically in one season.

Now, in my few remaining years, I intend to do quite the opposite. Using the same baiting techniques I have drastically increased the reproductive and growth hormone levels of these toads. This has already proven to increase the strength, size and sexual potency of the toads in experiments carried out by myself in my Underground Toad Habitat.

The next hurdle on my quest to Total Toad Domination has been temperature. These are tropical toads, and they die out in cold weather. I then remembered the humble Wood Frog (Rana sylvatica) that can freeze but later thaw out and live.

Sixty-seven percent of the frog's body freezes hard but not inside the cells. As the frog slowly freezes over several hours, he pumps large amounts of glucose anti-freeze into his cells. Gradually he stops breathing, his heart stops, his brain activity ceases but his cells don't freeze.

Come spring, when the land thaws, so does his body. Within an hour or two the Frog will recover his Summer Activity, and leap as usual.

My research is already well underway on splicing this interesting DNA trait of the Wood Frog to the super-sized Bufo Toads in order to create a cold tolerant monster toad. This way, the giant toads can spread like wildfire across the earth and devour crops and small animals, causing famine and pestilence in their wake.

This will be my final legacy; my vengeance upon a cruel world that has mistreated and mocked me. In the end, you will all die under the disgusting, writhing bodies of my giant toad army.


9 Comments:

Medico Nisaba said...

Delightful, isn't it? By my calculations, this should reduce the human population to less than 250 million by the year 2025. Then that number will continue to fall as you won't be able to grow any food and you will all be undergoing some form of toad poisoning sooner or later.

No wild game to hunt, they will all be dead as well.

YOU CAN'T DEFEAT THE SUPERTOADS!!! THEY LIVE!!!

:))

Anonymous said...

I do not believe in toads.

Medico Nisaba said...

You do not believe in toads? WOW! Well I guess you're safe then, since if you don't believe in something, it can't hurt you...

You are next on my list of idiots to be eaten alive by the mighty Supertoad™.

Kingkaiser said...

I wouldn't introduce them in Louisiana, they'd end up fried in a pan served over rice.

Medico Nisaba said...

UPDATE: Feb 10th 2009 : Released the first wave of Supertoads™ into the wild.


Let the disgusting, bloody carnage begin...

Stan the Chosen One said...

Well at least you aren't summoning the Old Ones. Remember kids, there are much more responsible ways to end humanity.

Medico Nisaba said...

Yes, Stan, the "Great Old Ones" are being replaced by my new wave Supertoads™.

I find that my focus groups agree that they are the more "hip" way to die in a sticky, pus-filled mass of disgusting evil...

Carl Young said...

Do not worry ecological superhumans will defeat your fucking toads and protect the world from your abominations!!! Have a wonderful day!

Anonymous said...

Apparently as a child you didnt have many friends, so you decided to take revenge, and by doing that you decided to do it with toads....